When I first started reading these chapters I was like, "Oh...this isn't so bad. I like being a girl. Bring it on! I mean, what's not to like? Clothes, make-up, hair, being pampered, shopping, doors opened for me...etc etc." Then I got to page 42..."Role Reversal." You see, I came from a family where my dad used and abused my submissive mom every chance he got. I was the youngest of three daughters all which were TERRIFIED of this man we called dad. Watching my mom be physically, emotionally, and mentally abused by this man who was supposed to love, honor, and cherish her left a bad taste in my mouth. Somewhere in the early years of my life I vowed to not EVER... I mean EVER allow a man, or anyone else for that matter, treat me the way my father had treated my mother. Of course, this was a less than conscious decision but nonetheless that decision was made in the depths of my heart and pysche.
By the time I hit my teenage years I was choosing all sorts of bad relationships. You name it...unhealthy friendships, unhealthy and too mature opposite sex relationships, even relationships that SHOULD have been healthy with close family who were looking out for my best interests were sour. It is like I sabotaged anything that was potentially good and hung on to the downright rotten. Talk about "daddy issues." I had them and the worst part was that I didn't realize I had them. I was in bondage of the worst kind...bondage that I wasn't aware that even existed.
Ok...so now that you have a small background on ME...I am going to connect with what we are reading these next few weeks with what's stirring in my heart and life. Where God is challenging me to move and to change. I hope you respond in the same manner. The book goes on to say on page 43 that, "Human relationships are not designed to be a raw contest of power and strength but rather a self-controlled acceptance of clearly outlined roles. Therefore, we exert our greatest influence in life by knowing how to harness and safeguard our own strong wills." ZING!!!!!!!! My ENTIRE life I have been protecting myself. Manipulating (yes I am using the "M" word) relationships and situations so that I always FELT I had the control or the upper hand so to speak. I am guilty of stonewalling and building a protective barrier around my heart. Although nothing can get into hurt me...nothing can get in to love me either. This has surfaced in opposite sex relationships MY ENTIRE life. There I said it. I admitted it. Now let's move on...The book ALSO goes on to say that, "By walking within these divinely ordained roles of submission to legitimate authority, we place ourselves inside the protective covering of the Lord, experiencing the freedom that His truth--and His truth alone--is designed to offer. Step outside these roles, and we are looking for trouble." GULP...you mean...I could be the problem??? I could be the reason I feel lack of intimacy in my relationship??? Although this ALL makes perfect sense...there is part of my damaged heart that STILL doesn't want to trust this thinking.
The book goes on to say that yes, we indeed "ARE powerful and capable in our own right," (which I have never had an issue believing) "That we are gifted and necessary--indispensable!!! One who bears the image of God Himself!!!! And yet all of that strength coursing through your nature and personality will ONLY THRIVE and BE IT'S BEST as you yield to the legitimate AUTHORITY established by God."
Some of you have been hurt...like me...no doubt...and may find these chapters great in theory but just not 100% on board with what these chapters are saying. I mean...what if our husbands (or other authority figures in our lives) don't deserve their authority???? Or what if we just simply can't "let go" 100%. Maybe I can give up 95.9% of the authority but can I still hang on to that 4.1%...you know...just in case????
I am encouraged to know that in this journey of letting go of authority...I am not only honoring God but I am also following in the footsteps of my savior...walking all the way up to cross, and nailing my selfishness, my pride, my self-protective narcissism on that cross and becoming who God intended me to be...more like Jesus. Not to mention TRUSTING God wholeheartedly. Is this easy?? Maybe for some of you...not for me. Is it something you may have to do over and over again...maybe even daily???? I know I will. Will I make a conscious decision to live the way God intended me to live in the role He designed me for so that I can live my life in His abundance and blessing??? I am choosing to do so.
Please comment on this blog and put YOUR "two cents" in what these chapters are speaking to YOUR heart. We can all grow from the insight of each other...Love, Hugs, and Blessings....
Cindy
